When I left for Rwanda, when I was there, and when I first came home I “knew” the direction of my life. I knew (or at least, had a pretty good idea) of where I would work, where I stood in my relationships, where I was going to live, and the things that I wanted to make a part of my day-to-day. It wasn’t like I had the itty-bitty details worked out but I at least knew the direction in which I was moving. And I was excited about that! I mean, really, really excited. But here I am, almost three months later, and absolutely not one of those things has come to fruition and there is the very good chance (some with 100% certainty) that they will not happen. So what now?
It’s funny, but my reminder of how good God is and how in control He is of everything came while I was balancing my checkbook the other day. Now, balancing my ledger was a miracle in and of itself (yay for keep resolutions!) but it was more because I was watching an episode of ER on my computer while doing it (I have to make it semi-appealing). Through the opening and closing segments Abby is quoting a piece of what sounds to be poetry. But to an ear that has heard it before it was quickly recognized as parts of the book of Job.
I have always been in love with Job 38-41 when God tells of His power, expanse, and reach. I LOVE IT! It is so humbling but so empowering at the same time. Who in the world am I to question Him? Who am I to determine my own steps? The God who knows when the mountain goats give birth or who know where the storehouses of snow are kept is the same God who knows my inmost being. How amazing is that?
So again, I ask, what now? I don’t know. Trust me, I’m waiting in anxious anticipation but that does not mean that I am not trusting completely that God has something. He called me to be a teacher, He called me to the internship last year, He called me to Rwanda…and He has called me here.